


A Different Kind of Training

by Vanyel



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Don't Read This, Ugh, i was feeling way too good one day after pole and just, no, oh god it's horrid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-09 01:49:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6884044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vanyel/pseuds/Vanyel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Scout has an unusual morning routine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Different Kind of Training

The shout rang out, clear as day in the light of the rising sun. “WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE, MAGGOT?” Soldier stormed out to the back of the base, a broad grin on his face. The Demo trailed behind him, chuckling as they watched Scout scramble to keep from falling backwards off the old weatherbeaten volleyball pole with surprise. He’d been suspended upside down halfway up the pole by only the backs of his knees, back arched, head tilted towards the ground and eyes closed as he stretched, falling into the music streaming into his ears. It was almost surprising he hadn’t heard the other team members approaching. “IT SEEMS THAT WE WERE MISTAKEN, MEN-WE ARE NOT ALL MEN. ONE OF US IS A SISSY WHO SKIPS OUT ON TRAINING WITH THE TEAM TO DO THIS.”

Scoffing, Scout dropped off the pole, landing in a low crouch before standing and yanking out his headphones, glaring at the older mercs. “What? I am training, I’m keepin’ in shape, jus’ like the rest a youse guys.” He grabbed his discarded tennis shoes from against the wall, ignoring the sneers he was receiving from the rest of the team steadily emerging into the courtyard. “I mean, not like it’s any a my business how you all get yaselves up in tha morning, so why should you care what I do?”

Engineer snorted. “Because our wake-up drills ain’t the kinda show you’d be expecting to see in the back room ‘f the dive bar in town, son,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “Our trainin’ don’t look better done by half-naked ladies.” Pyro gave a muffled huddah of agreement.

“Oh, what, are you all just jealous?” Scout challenged, bouncing on his feet and stretching his legs out. Didn’t matter if the guys were all there, he still needed a cooldown from the workout. He grinned at the affronted look on Soldier’s face. “Yeah, that’s it, ain’t it? You old men are jealous that you can’t make a pole look as I do!”

Puffing up like some sort of helmeted blowfish, Soldier marched up to Scout, backing him into the pole and shoving one calloused finger into his face. He glared at him like a piece of litter from under the edge of his helmet. “HOW DARE YOU? I CAN DO ANYTHING YOU SCRAWNY LITTLE CHICKEN CAN DO, WITH ONE HAND TIED BEHIND MY BACK!”

Scout grinned. “Then prove it. Get on dat pole right there, and show me what ya can do.” He stepped out of the space in between, waving one hand toward the pole and raising an eyebrow. “Right here, right now. Why not just try ta getcha self inta that last position I was in? It’s an easy one.”

The rest of the team stepped back, leaving Soldier standing alone next to the pole. He swallowed, momentarily apprehensive, but the sneer on Scout’s face drove it out of his mind. That whiny little maggot could do this, how hard could it be? “I WILL DO YOUR SISSY POLE ACROBATICS, AND THEN YOU WILL COME DO THE TRAINING YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING THE PAST THREE MORNINGS ALL AT ONCE AFTER I DO!”

He grabbed onto the pole above his head tightly, lifting himself off the ground and climbing hand over hand with a speed that actually impressed Scout a little bit. Looks like the old man was a little more nimble than he’d given him credit for.

Soldier got a good bit off the ground, then grunted, attempting to flip himself over to wrap his knees around the pole like he’d seen Scout doing. It slowly began to dawn on him that this was not, in fact, as easy as he expected. His legs didn’t seem to want to respond to what he wanted them to do, and when he tried to wrap one knee around the pole, it gave a jolt. Soldier waved about, struggling and trying to contort himself into the correct position. One flailing knee slammed into his face, and his helmet fell to the ground, followed quickly by the rest of him. “OORA-AAAAAAH!” His head hit the ground with a crack that would have been sickening to anyone but the hardened mercenaries, who simply broke out into varying degrees of hearty laughter.

Medic stepped forward with a chuckle and a shake of his head, training the beam of the Medigun on the fallen Soldier. “Well, that was a spectacular failure, Herr Soldat,” he grinned. “Next time, perhaps try to think before attempting to twist your body like a pretzel; you have too much bulky muscle mass to pull that move off so easily.” Once Soldier’s neck had realigned, Medic turned to Scout, raising an eyebrow. “Though I am surprised; I would have thought your fragile masculinity would have prevented you from ever trying something so traditionally associated with young women. Mind sharing where you learned that, Herr?”

Shrugging, Scout grinned, falling into the story like he’d told it a thousand times. “They offered a class at the college one a my brothas went ta, an’ it was in our neighborhood, an’ they opened it to family of students for a small fee. I thought it was gonna be sweet, cuz, ya know, a bunch a college chicks in tight tops an’ short shorts showin’ off their skills on a pole? Who wouldn’, am I right? So I signed up, an’ came to class the first day, an’ my jaw nearly hit the floor when I saw dat the instructor was one a my other brother’s friends, this admittedly kinda hot dude named Esteban. Which was totally unexpected, cuz, like, no guys I knew did pole, an’ I was the only guy takin’ the class, but there he was, an’ he did this show-off routine at the end of da first class, and like, my jaw hit the floor. He looked so cool up there, all spinnin’ an’ elegant, an’ it wasn’ even sexual or nothin’. It was just power an’ grace an’ a really good pair of legs, an’ I was thinkin’ god I wish I could look that good.  Then we started tryin’ it, an’ it was really hard at first, I kept falling off, an’ my knees were killin’ me after class. But one day, we showed off some routines we’d practiced in class to each other, an’ all the girls told me that I looked really cool up there, and I was likin’ it, so I started practicing wherever I could. Now it’s just kinda a habit. It’s really good for keepin’ my core an’ legs in shape, an’ even if there’s no pole I can still do flow work, but ever since Pyro burned off the volleyball I been comin’ out here every mornin’ to practice the air tricks. It’s kinda calming, like, it’s just you an’ the pole, an’ nothin’ else matters. Like aerial mediation.”

The rest of the team looked at him, stunned by Scout’s unexpected easiness. Spy was the first to break, coughing and mumbling something about needing to replace his cigarettes for the battle. One by one, the other mercenaries wandered off for a variety of oddly mundane reasons, leaving Scout standing alone and smirking at the Soldier still picking himself off the ground. “So, what was all dat about doin’ what I do with one hand tied behind ya back?”

Grumbling, Soldier picked up his helmet from the dust, placing it heavily back on his head. “You may have won this battle,” he growled, jabbing a finger once again in the Scout’s direction, “but I WILL win the war. You WILL teach me your silly pole dancing as punishment for skipping group training so often!”

Scout blinked in disbelief. “You…wait, what?”

“I told you, boy, anything you can do I can do, and I will learn this new form of core training if I have to rip out your spine to make a second pole! In fact, everyone will do this with us! Congratulations, maggot, you are now in charge of the team building morning training. I suggest you prepare!” With a nod of finality, Soldier stormed off to continue his morning routine, leaving Scout scratching his head. Well that certainly wasn’t how he’d expected this morning to go.

**Author's Note:**

> oh god don't look at this i was taking a poledancing class and the instructor looked like a cute scout and this came to mind im so sorry


End file.
